Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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