I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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