At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
