just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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