Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
ttyl tear gas
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
