so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize