Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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