"it" just moved
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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