There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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