Who wears a wallet chain?!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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