My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
