Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
