My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
