happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
