I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
