i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I did not marry a roomba.
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