His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
