We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
