It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
