you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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