we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
