If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
