My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize