i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
