Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
