been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
