I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He felt like a one man threesome
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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