I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
