you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
