hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize