Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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