Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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