3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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