So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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