your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
this is an emotional support booty call
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
