he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
