just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
