Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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