btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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