I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
