I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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