Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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