he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
be right there i have to get my cape
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
