Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
50% drunk capacity currently
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
