There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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