i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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