My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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