Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
