the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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