May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
