I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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