Please, let me fuck your mom
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
They took my balls.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
