You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
