This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
