Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your penis caused this!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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