That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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