Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize