Plan B is the new Plan A
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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