just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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