Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
