apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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