i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
