im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Terrible idea I love it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
