I think I just saw someone hide a body.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize