She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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