im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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