...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
