he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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