Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
