Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
