are you so shy because you have an std?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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