Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
