good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
