You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
