My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize