I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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