dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
