My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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