I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
