Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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