Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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