mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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