No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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