today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
