So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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