the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
