apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
