i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize