that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
