why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
