sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
