You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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