Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
