I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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