loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
