They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
