Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
