whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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