I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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