did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
