He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
