why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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