She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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