Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
