so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
