My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
