I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
