the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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