Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
