this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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