the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
