please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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